Read the fine print.

Someone tell me what to write.
That’s a bad idea. I’ll probably write that instead of what I want to.

Continue on, gentle reader, and this may make some sense.

Time to have some fun with a contract!
Sign at your own discretion.

I did so, but I didn’t pay heed to the fine print.

You will furthermore hold title as a Customer Service Representative. You will pledge your life to the field above and provide the highest level of customer satisfaction possible.*

• You will have well developed interpersonal and communication skills.
• You will be able to present information and ideas in simple, easy to understand terms on an individual basis or in large group settings.
• You will be able to complete tasks with minimal supervision and minimal error.
• You will excel at establishing rapport with clients ensuring continued business and be able to further develop customer base.
• You will have multitasking, prioritizing, and problem solving skills.
• You will be highly motivated with a mature disposition and positive demeanor.**
  

*Your performance will not be affected by personal thought or emotion. You will perform all duties required of you and you will listen and act on any request stated by either your superior or fellow subordinate even if the inconvenience is great and affects you personally in any form. Any “stirring of the pot” or any attempt to change established guidelines is strictly prohibited. By agreeing to this contract, any breach in said established methods of conduct will be punishable. Any discipline enforced will be taken in stride regardless of personal opinion, so that your superior(s) may feel as their title deems them, superior.

If ever given the opportunity to be in a superior position, you are allowed to reap the benefits and utilize the dominant role to your benefit so long as it does not affect your superiors in a negative fashion. If the latter situation arises, serious punishment may result. As a result, you are required to take similar if not more serious action on your subordinates. Privileges will be revoked if said action is not prevalent and acknowledged.

You will not receive pay more than double the minimum wage, ever, and the latter circumstance is only allocated to those titled as “Life-Time CSR’s,” but this is not, nor will ever be, guaranteed.

You will take direction and rely on it heavily. You will act hastily and without any regard to future consequence because you will deliver service immediately to make the other party completely and utterly satisfied, to ensure repeat business.

By signing this contract, you forfeit any privilege; and sense of self-choice. You will make choices based on how your actions affect those around you, but not including yourself.

By signing this contract, you agree the above mentioned will not be limited to the workplace, but will extend to your personal affairs and approach to life. You will be affected in ways that are unable to be foreseen and you will never know as to why you are the way you are until you write about it on blogger.com. Even with the latter stated, you will never completely understand the full impact this contract will have on you.

**Taken from my own resume. All material seen above is copywrited by this author and any recreation or use or manipulation without my written permission and consent is prohibited under my own martial law.

For this contract to be valid, you must sign and date in blood below.